Spontaneity vs. Thoughtfulness, Heart vs. Mind...

Something my sister told almost 2yrs ago hit me again today... "Rams, you used to be such a spontaneous person. You didn't care about what the world thought, or who said what. You just spoke your mind and kept on going. Never caring about the impact or who it hurt. I learnt how to speak my mind by observing you. And today when I look at you, I see me. I came out of my shell and learnt to become spontaneous and speak my mind, and you have retreated in and think about everything".

As much as I'm trying to deny it and tell myself and everyone I confide in that I'm not thinking and I'm not reading into anything, there were tonsa times today when I caught myself doing so. I know this sounds ambiguous and only half of you will probably even know what I'm talking about, but in this case, I'm gonna leave it that way. I just need to get my thoughts down and reflect. I'm not really looking for more perspectives, thoughts etc... I've had my share of that all day at work today and now it's down to putting the pieces together - if they fit that is.

I just know that somewhere in the next month the spontaneous me needs to emerge from the shell and flow with it. Enough of the thinking and introspection. Just go with my gut and act. It may/may not hurt in the long run, but it's not doing much good buried deep either. A friend at work asked me "you're gonna hurt your pride, or your heart. One will heal quicker than the other. So you have to decide what you're willing to risk". I've made my decision for now and we'll see what the outcome is. Only time will tell, cuz I don't think anyone else is talking just about yet...